I Believe

Do you ever feel like God is a million light years away? I have found myself lately begging to feel His presence. And..….I don’t. So I beg some more. And…..silence. So then the questions come. Is there something between us, keeping us apart? Show me what it is so I can repent and fix this. So I repent of everything I can think of, which is a lot….coincidently, it’s communion weekend, so I get to take it 4 times….I need extra cleansing. Yet, still, no feeling. Is He refusing my request? Maybe. He surely has the right to.
Somewhere along the road, I began believing a lie. If I don’t feel Him, He’s not near; He’s punishing me; He’s testing me; He’s withdrawn Himself from me to teach me not to take Him for granted. I began to accept this was just a season I would have to get through. Then the whisper came. Fourth communion….and finally I heard Him as clear as day. He reminded me that my feelings lie and are not in any way an indication of truth. He reminded me that His presence is constant and unfailing whether I feel it or not. There are times when I feel that goosebumpy overwhelming presence of God all on and around me and there are times when I have to just trust that He is there. We sang ‘I Believe” for communion and sometimes the words to that one just get me. So simple, yet in so many ways I don’t….believe that is. It’s good to declare it again and again, I believe, no for real, I do. I really actually believe in You God. I believe that You are the one and only God. I believe in Jesus and that He lived and died and it’s not just some story in some book. I believe that the wrath of God was satisfied when He died on the cross for me. (‘In Christ Alone’ reference, also sung this weekend.) I believe! I will keep saying it again and again, for my mind and heart are easily deceived. And finally, I believed, as I ate the fourth cracker and drank the fourth juice, that I heard a whisper and it said…”I am here. I am walking this mess right beside you whether you feel me or not. I am here.”

“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Deuteronomy 31:8

Time

I've been a little overwhelmed today thinking about how fast time goes by. It was just last summer......it was just Christmas right? Already February now and I fear I am in the same spot. I have these dreams, as I'm sure we all do, yet I seem to never get around to actually accomplishing them and if I ever do it's at a snail's pace. WHY??? Lazy, yes....Fear, yes.....Spiritual enemy, yes yes. What if we actually just were who God planned for us to be and did what He planned for us to do? You think it's possible and what would that look like? We accept mediocrity as success...at least I do. If I'm doing alright, not falling too badly, serving Him, praying here and there, then all is well. And the beautiful thing about Him is that it is!! His love is deep enough, His grace is sufficient enough that I could get through life living this way and still meet Him with His arms outstretched. But I fear and know I am missing something! Last week at Eikon, the speaker gave the most beautiful analogy I've heard in a long time. He was out with his daughter and saw a sloth up in a tree and couldn't wait to show it to her. So he pointed to where it was and told her to look up in the tree, but she couldn't see it. So he called her closer and pointed again, but she still couldn't see. So finally, he picked her up and they looked again, and with her cheek pressed to his, she could finally see. Cheek to cheek, her eyes could see what his could see. I want my eyes to see what my Father's eyes see. I want to see myself the way that He does and believe that I can be her. I want to see you the way He does and love you like He does. I want to see the purpose of this life the way He does and take part in it in the way that He has dreamed for me. I want to feel my cheek pressed to His and stay right there.