I Believe

Do you ever feel like God is a million light years away? I have found myself lately begging to feel His presence. And..….I don’t. So I beg some more. And…..silence. So then the questions come. Is there something between us, keeping us apart? Show me what it is so I can repent and fix this. So I repent of everything I can think of, which is a lot….coincidently, it’s communion weekend, so I get to take it 4 times….I need extra cleansing. Yet, still, no feeling. Is He refusing my request? Maybe. He surely has the right to.
Somewhere along the road, I began believing a lie. If I don’t feel Him, He’s not near; He’s punishing me; He’s testing me; He’s withdrawn Himself from me to teach me not to take Him for granted. I began to accept this was just a season I would have to get through. Then the whisper came. Fourth communion….and finally I heard Him as clear as day. He reminded me that my feelings lie and are not in any way an indication of truth. He reminded me that His presence is constant and unfailing whether I feel it or not. There are times when I feel that goosebumpy overwhelming presence of God all on and around me and there are times when I have to just trust that He is there. We sang ‘I Believe” for communion and sometimes the words to that one just get me. So simple, yet in so many ways I don’t….believe that is. It’s good to declare it again and again, I believe, no for real, I do. I really actually believe in You God. I believe that You are the one and only God. I believe in Jesus and that He lived and died and it’s not just some story in some book. I believe that the wrath of God was satisfied when He died on the cross for me. (‘In Christ Alone’ reference, also sung this weekend.) I believe! I will keep saying it again and again, for my mind and heart are easily deceived. And finally, I believed, as I ate the fourth cracker and drank the fourth juice, that I heard a whisper and it said…”I am here. I am walking this mess right beside you whether you feel me or not. I am here.”

“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Deuteronomy 31:8